Quiet But Effective eating my way through distractions broken past failed returns a small wronged sense, undecided brilliant to see and hide forced, lost, crept into silence last left felt, unclothed fairly inept, unassumed quiet, effective, I cried splintered wood pulling chords (w/ background vocals) eaten broken, splintered quiet, effective, I cried bleached and summer to start forty four and so on plus after drinks now no more replaced with corn almost there but not such yet a piped return, twice lost, first told boardroom mirth, ninth let down
and then hate, soothing and rich hot to end and then first to last, built to form fill to body, catching scent and then uglier with every word spoken losing self to higher thieves steel red, fallen shelf unheard wails to wide fresh space and then to fill matzoh fish hello choral reef, ashen wrist fall to Guelph on bitter snow wide but then again no and then sullen facts, gash to feel ashen snow, fallen reef catching scent and then matzoh fish and then fall to Guelph and then and then and then uglier with every word spoken losing self to higher thieves steel red, fallen shelf unheard wails to wide fresh space matzoh fish hello choral reef, ashen wrist fall to Guelph on bitter snow wide but then again no and then
Nobbylocks 11-years old I'm in a playground with other boys crying and crying at the wall being squeezed out of a tube I see myself coming out dec. 24th, 1994 things I cannot explain beat the limits right out of me I don't care Stevie Wonder embraced me held both of my arms and whispered tenderly to me quiet and beautiful edge of the Grand Canyon a sunrise at 5pm completely surrounded by fifty elk drinking loose earl grey tea, a chocolate and cheese muffin gasoline scattered symbols, coloured blood 4 set isolated thought noise the smack of a hand rushing trains hazy drawing reality stuck in my head I see a room from two opposite views candles test my fear sitting on the floor of my closet stuff falling on me sinking to the bottom waiting for someone to hear me to come and help me woke up mom stuff on the porch not laid down before I was born feeling nothing darkness silence
The Rut Overtakes Suddenly so steep. Making choices on the way that speak only to my weakness. The rut overtakes. Rational thought. Left with so many options. We seem only to choose the worst for small wrong blamed. For so much. Tiny breadcrumbs never followed. What is now has become the punishment for small errors and few opportunities. Taken and run with. The mistake I made only yesterday. I forget the stolen moment the pull that once seemed so strong. As my courage increased, I’ve lost my sense of how it once was. All the things that I fought for, now I could care even less. I’ve lost my pettiness and my sympathy for those that complain, with so much. Once I felt as if I owned nothing real, that I had done nothing and only struggled to stay alive. Fat, wasted, lacking purpose and self, but yet all the overwhelming beauty in the world. Standing right beside me.