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Quiet But Effective

eating my way through distractions
broken beyond failed returns
a small wronged sense, undecided
brilliant to see and to hide
forced, lost, crept into silence
last left felt and unclothed
fairly inept, unassumed
quiet, effective, I cried
splintered wood
pulling chords
bleached and summer, to start
forty four and so on
plus after drinks
a piped return
twice lost
first told
boardroom mirth
ninth let down
now no more
replaced with corn
almost there
but not such yet
but effective

Suddenly so steep.

Continually making choices along the way

that speak only to my weaknesses.

The rut overtaking.

Rational thought.

Left with so many options.

We seem only to choose what is the worst for small wrong blamed.

For so much.

Tiny breadcrumbs never followed.

Realizing what is now and how it has become the punishment

for so many small errors and so few opportunities.

Taken and run with.

Why can I not learn from the mistake that I made only yesterday.

How come I forget the stolen moment

as well as the pull that once seemed so strong.

As my courage increases, I lose my sense of how it once was.

All the things that I used to fight for, I could care even less.

Now there are bigger issues.

I’ve completely lost my sense of pettiness

and my sympathy for those that complain, with so much.

Once I felt as if I owned nothing real,

that I had done nothing and only struggled to stay alive.

Fat, wasted, lacking purpose and self,

but yet all the overwhelming beauty in the world.

That which is standing right beside me.



Easier Not To

taxed, unfelt and lacked
a grip and a path towards the castle
into storms, dragged past blue, to white pointed walls
loud screams and slams
now resembling the calm
rooted in uneven
sorted through, thrown out
reduced to four, two and then spoiled brown
stale-mounted frost
a mess of shattered glass in the park, crashed face-first
a caribou shared and a rose substituted for the rest
dark held breath, into red thought



Warm Red

warm red
beautiful still
a calming river
soothing pill
voice, needle, string and box
keeping me grounded, not feeling lost
peaceful stream
amidst the noise
separated connections
quiet, serene
soft-fallen water
again and then still
dark-centered joy
gentle, thoughtful, real



Long Heard Overhead

long heard overhead
the endless repeats of the cartoon computer screen
a faint period of mourning
the lucidity and fascinating stories that disappear so quickly
I sense this needs attending to
years go by, as I stopped it all
grass felt in the most undemanding of ways
afraid to even leave a room, a room that is not even mine
the cement wall, the broken pipe
slept in darkness
embarrassed and moist
the forest and lake on either side
trying to force minds changed already
the farmer, the writer, the musician
misunderstood signs
many lost directions
brief and slight, funny and queer
finding myself lost in the spin
in the momentary feeling
the afternoon letter
the park and misheard identity
the two times five
red quart left
the small white bed
the dark held breath
twenty six more
wandered like blushing brides
the jam and the cocks
quiet but effective
calligraphy in book flaps
humbled by my blood in his care
the key in a car
the steam on the glass
it all stayed while I ran
off somewhere else, where I would always go
jumped the bush, fell on my face
away and then off again still
until now when I stay




11-years old
I'm in a playground with other boys
crying and crying
at the wall
being squeezed out of a tube
I see myself coming out
dec. 24th, 1994
things I cannot explain
beat the limits right out of me
I don't care
stevie wonder embraced me
held both of my arms and whispered tenderly to me
quiet and beautiful
edge of a canyon
a sunrise at 5pm
completely surrounded by fifty elk
drinking loose earl grey tea
scattered symbols, coloured
isolated thought
the smack of a hand
rushing trains
hazy drawing reality
stuck in my head
I see a room from two opposite views
candles test my fear
sitting on the floor of my closet
stuff falling on me
sinking to the bottom
waiting for someone to hear me
to come and help me
woke up mom
stuff on the porch
not laid down
before I was born
quiet, but effective
feeling nothing



No Recollection

before I was born
feeling nothing
no recollection
Lady In White

what is this?
a lady in white?
like any of us are!
more like a suit of armour
a suit of armour and a mile from her heart to her skull.
a smile. her eyelashes, a fishing rod, and she can escape
I told her that I loved her and that we would be together until we died.
stressed out by a car.
it's like today. I don't feel like talking.
such and such.
writing anything unlike what I REALLY am.
not close like you would think.
what is that?
that's what he asked me.
more like 14 than I really care to admit.
Wasting Time

wasting time
I am not with my fate.
I'm just wasting time.
I see the end in sight, not thinking with my heart.
with you only to avoid being alone with myself.
refusing the advances of my destiny for fear of being trapped.
accepted others to make sure there was always an escape.
your fate, not in me.
you are just wasting time.
you see an end in sight, not thinking with your heart.
with me only to avoid being alone with yourself.
refusing the advances of your destiny for fear of being trapped.
accepted me to make sure there was always an escape.
you are just wasting time, not with your fate.
I Hate Noise

I hate noise
the cry of a baby
the withdrawing as I'm touched
screaming ladies
cars crashing
the smash of a bar
rushing trains
I'm stuck in my head
I am a candle
I am nothing
with others I become light
aflame with beautiful persons and magnificent sights
there are many flames in this world
not all ignite
my love for sports
my love for whiskey
the beauty of a perfect play
the beauty of my misted drink
the contentment I feel in the disconnection I feel from others
the contentment I feel as my vision slowly blurs
pure perfection embodied in the intensity of a fight
pure perfection embodied in all the scattered symbols
pints of lager
prizes that call out to me
distractions fill the emptiness
I hate the crack of a stick
the smack of two hands
I hate noise
A Mere Candle

I am but a mere candle in this life
alone I am nothing, but with others I could possibly become light
I am aflame with beautiful persons and magnificent sights
there may be many flames in this world, but not all ignite
Above My Level

there is stuff I need to do
hazy drawing reality
stuck in my head
realize that I went MUCH farther out than I should have
crying and crying
sharing a chocolate and cheese muffin
drank two bottles of red wine
I was only 17
it was all above my level
but I was content
A Distance

you are sitting right beside me on the beach
I feel a distance between us
one that I don't really understand
we speak of how nice it is to be away from advertising
the plane above us passes with the banner for the local festivals
I feel very disconnected from the commercials
the pop songs, corporate takeovers, profit margins
you always tell me how alike our thoughts are
it is comfortable
you are difficult, beautiful, unique
I sit watching infomercials
It Tears Me Up Inside

it tears me up inside
every day of my life
I assume that the whole world is your resting place
to bright, beautiful, vibrant women
one who is sick and wanted by all but unable to give to any
the choice, the decision
to be true to the self and yet be able to show devotion to others
to assume
to love
to remorse
I love
I have doubt
I have regrets
it tears me up inside
every day of my life

when fascination and total love slip by
when ones you should truly love, you don't
when you get hurt by those that are hurting themselves
when the first couldn't be farther, yet it still lingers

when you feel nothing for those that do
and when the person who is distant is there somewhere
when you're close to marriage with someone you barely even know
when one you truly love is left for no reason

when ugliness comes from the most beautiful
when beauty comes from the ones you least expect
when people say they care--but not to you
when the right ones are afraid

when you love people you barely even know
and when the loveliest seem absolutely impossible
when people hide in order to avoid being seen
when others turn to others at the thought of turning to you

when a kiss is mistaken for forever
when the lustful leave you cold
when the loved ones leave you angry
when the most serious love comes from a friend

Tune Into The Coloured World

tune into the coloured world
catch the outstretched arms of beauty
realize the instinct to delve into the curved path
find where the heartfelt innocence passes the moral debauchery
stand in the waters of spontaneity rather than sitting in the chair of
do not let the life of your own become the anchor in the endless tunnel
The Transparent Mirror

we look into a transparent mirror
our reflection is that of a horrible fear
why must we only see that which infests our brain
can our destiny be chosen through our own realistic paranoia
our atmosphere is becoming filled with our unconscious selfishness
our minds have already been filled to the weight of our bodies
does infinite selfishness become an egotistical aura or is it just the lava
Storm A-Comin'

thick black clouds
memories of my dreams
dust blows in the faces of the children
my body flows freely into the air
the world's commerce surrounds me
I feel myself being squashed underneath
the wind calls out my name
only it mispronounces it
and it uses my maiden name
the wind isn't really all that intelligent
it's the clouds that are in control
my only hope is to wake up
in my dreams I wander
in my reality I sleep

Table of Contents

  1. Quiet But Effective
  2. Suddenly so steep
  3. Easier Not To
  4. Warm Red
  5. Long Heard Overhead
  6. Nobbylocks
  7. No Recollection
  8. Lady In White
  9. Wasting Time
  10. I Hate Noise
  11. A Mere Candle
  12. Above My Level
  13. A Distance
  14. It Tears Me Up Inside
  15. When
  16. Tune Into The Coloured World
  17. The Transparent Mirror
  18. Storm A-Comin'